New Moon Parody
by KKDDXX
Summary: The follow-up of Twilight Parody. Bella's Paranoid and Carlisle Has a man bag?
1. The Paranoid Freak

New Moon ~~~~ The Dream ~~~~

Bella; * Staring at her Gran/mirror like an idiot*

Edward; Bella?

Bella; *Looking about like a lost puppy*

Edward; I'm right here Bella.

Bella; Oh, Gran you may have noticed that this fine specimine here glitters. He is my boyfriend and a Vampire/ Stripper

Edward; *Face Palm* We have discussed this!

Bella; ... OMG THIS IS A MIRROR!

Edward; Duhh? Old age is really affecting you isnt it?

Bella; *Wakes up* AHHHHHHHH

KD: Oh, IT has awoken.

Bella; NO ITS YOU!

KD: Yes, yes it is me I have returned from my vacation.

Charlie; *runs in screaming* HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *Throws Presents and runs*

KD: What in the name of Hitlers bra was that about?

~~~~ School ~~~~

Alice; HAPPY BRITHDAY!

Bella; SHHHHHHHH *Looking aroung like a paranoid freak*

Kd; What is it with you? I love presents!

Alice; Do you want your Present now or later at my house... In fact never mind your going to wear it at the party I'm having for you later.

KD: You completley ruin it. Your not ment to tell the person receiving the present what it is!

Bella; I REFUSE ... To go to the party

KD: Mary, Jesus And Joseph, Their rich! their hardley going to miss the money are they?

Edward; ... So ...I'm not allowed to say HAPPY BITHDAY? *several people turn*

Bella; LOOK AWAY! ... YOU CHIPMUNKS ... and I'm staying in the house-

KD: Like a weirdo

Bella; -on my birthday to watch Romeo And Julliet

Edward; I shall drag her over about 7 Alice.

Alice; Excellent! *Does Mr. Burns things with the hands then disappears with a cloud of smoke*

Bella; *Thinking of how she has never had any money and how unfair it is*

KD: Arent you ment to be a selfless, non-whiney teenager with a middle shed and no use for her nose?

Bella; Oh, Curses, I forgot.

~~~~ Later ~~~~

Bella; * Whiney voice* I wanna driveeee!

Edward; No.

Bella; But,it's my birthday!

KD: Make up your fucking mind!

Edward; Ok then ... Happy Birthday!

Bella; SHH *Looking around paranoid at the empty parking lot*

~~~~ Bella's House ~~~~

Edward; You know I was going to kill myself

KD: Great! He's obsessive and suicidal.

Bella; Why? How?

Edward; Because of that Justin Bieber crazed vampire, James. And the Volturi - They are like they Vampire Police - They would have killed me if I asked.

Bella; YOU MUST NEVER DO THHAT AGAIN!

Edward; Fiiiiiiiiine!

KD: RAWR!

~~~~ Party ~~~~

Carlisle; Sorry Bella. We couldnt stop Alice. She's like a dog with a bone.

Emmett; *serious voice* Bella.

bella; Emmett.

Emmett; Bella

Bella; Emme-

Alice; OPEN THE PRESENTS!

Bella; *Opens the present from Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper* Ohhh its empty! How lovely.  
Thankyou!

Emmett; No no no it had something in it.

Bella; Awwww *Sad face*

Emmett; Its a stereo for your peeice of scrap metal that according to the laws of science really shhouldnt be moving at all.

KD: So true, so true. And yet again you have done it! I know she's an idiot but I think she coulda figured it out for herself.

Alice; OPEN MINE AND EDWARDS NEXT!

Bella; *Slices Finger With Paper* oh shi-

KD: *Eyebrow Look*

Bella; fiiinee shoot.

Jasper; YUM FOOD!

Everybody: NOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD JASPER! 


	2. Carlisle Has A Man Bag

Carlisle; *sitting in a rocking chair* hmmm, this is not working to the best of my advantage. Well Emmett, Rose, remove Jasper from the premises.

Emmett; Okay :) c'mon Jasper * skips away with Jasper*

Alice; ... I shall get your bag.

KD: Carlisle has a man bag?

~~~~The kitchen~~~~

Carlisle; how are you Bella?

Bella; This is like last time at the ballet studio! ... Anyway it hurtttttttsssss! :(

Carlisle; Just as i thought ... this is a job for Dr. Claw-

Edward; *shaking his head*

Carlisle; I mean this is a job for me.

Edward; *nods*

Bella; Edward, leave.

Edward; NEVER!

Carlisle; No No No you will leave

Edward; n-

Bella; *bella glare*

Edward; *runs away*

Carlisle; I am evil.

Bella; But you bring so much good to the world.

KD: and by world she means hospital.

Carlisle; No, I mean one day, I ... I ... I tried to kill Dr. Claw. *dry sobs*

Bella; I cant beleive it! :O

Carlisle; Hasnt Edward told you the horrible story?

Bella; No.

Carlisle; Well ... Back in my stage of insanity. When I wanted to kill myself and somehow that should have made me emo but it didnt which is a miricle, I watched inspector gadget for the first time and ... I was outraged at Dr. Claw for wanting to kill Gadget. This was before I knew Gadget was the source of all evil. I tried to kill Dr. Claw. Then I came to my senses. And everyday I'm always trying to kill Gadget.

Bella; I ... I'm so sorry.

Esme; * Scrubbing the floor*

KD: Oh, You have OCD. Not Obsessive Cullen Disorder, but Obsessive Cleaning Disorder.

Alice; lOOK AT THE STATE OF BELLAS CLOTHES!

KD: NOT TO MENTION THEY WERE A STATE BEFORE

Alice; YOU MUST CHANGE!

Bella; *gets changed*

Alice; Take your things! *throws presents at Bella and they hit her on her head*

KD: I wish I could hit Bella with stuff like that :(

~~~~ Outside Bella's House ~~~~

Edward; I'm soooooooooo sorry. I thought we had Jasper trained *Shakes Head Pitifully*

Bella; Well I shall forgive you.

Edward; No, you should go out with Mike instead.

Bella; BUT HE IS GAY

KD: AND YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN

Edward; fiinnee ... NOW GO!

Bella; *Leaves*

~~~~ In the house ~~~~

Charlie; Oh you survived.

Bella; *mutters* only just.

Charlie; What?

Bella; NOTHING *runs away*

~~~ Bella's Room~~~~

Edward; We also got you tickets to Jacksonville and I made you a CD

KD: AGAIN YOU HAVE DONE IT!

Bella; I cant wait. And yes, that was ment to be as unenthusiastic as possible.

Edward; Sigh, Go to sleep Bella.

Bella; *Does as shes told* 


	3. Mike Wears MakeUp

Bella; *wakes up*

Edward; Eww, you look horrible * runs away*

KD: ... Very well.

~~~~ at the volvo ~~~~

Edward; *Trying not to laugh* How ... are you ... feeling?

Bella; Perfect, What do you think!

KD: AHA I HAVE A NEW NAME FOR EDWEIRDO!

Bella; Oh, god.

KD;it's Edweirdo Sullen

Bella; Why Sullen?

KD: Idiot.

Bella; Edward, weres Alice?

Edward; DEAD.

Bella; WHAT!

Edward; Nah I'm just kidden, shes with Jasper.

Bella; And were is he?

Edward; In Texas, with the Texican Hobo.

Bella; Why?

Edward; I don't know everything!

Kd; Ha! he admited he doesnt know everything!

Bella; Very well Child.

KD: *Eyebrow Look*

Bella; Edward, I have cleared your schedule and You are coming over to mine later.

Edward; But, I was going to g-

Bella; Ah nooooo, your coming to mine ... Later

Edward; So be it!

~~~~ Bella's House ~~~~

Bella; Daaaaaad, Edwaaaard?

Charlie; WHAT NOW CHILD?

Bella; Nothing I just wanted to know if you were in.

Charlie; ... My car was out there, you could have known i was in by using your common sense-

KD: Good Luck with that.

Bella; Hmph.

Charlie; We - That is to say I - had cold pizza for dinner, I think it's still in the table.

KD: What you couldnt heat it up no?

Bella; *staring at the Scrapbookand camera*

KD: Who really buys their daughter a scrapbook?

KD: My mum?

KD: I know bu- Never mind

Bella; Ok, now I shall Force you all to take pictures *does this*

Edward; Ok, I better leave.

Bella; Why?

Edward; Because, I want to and you annoy me.

Bella; Okay :( Will you stay?

Edward; No, child.

Bella; Very well, I shall have a sleepless night worrying about how you don't like me anymore because I am a worthless human.

KD: YAY BELLA GOT ONE RIGHT.

~~~ Lunch Next Day ~~~~

Bella; Yo, Bitch!

Jessica; Yes?

Bella; Take pictures of people!

Jessica; Ok *takes a picture of Mike*

Mike; WHY DID YOU DO THAT I HAVENT EVEN GOT ANY MAKE-UP O- I mean ... why?

~~~ One hour later ~~~~

Jess; We used all your film-

KD: the camera uses film?

Bella; Yes?

KD: ever heard of a _digital_ camera

Bella; Nopeeee.

KD;*sighs*

~~~~~ Sometime later when Bella has the developed pictures from Thriftway ~~~~

Bella; Le Gasp!

KD: Yes this must defy all laws of science because _Edward showed up in a poster _!

Bella; He is sooooooo beauti-

KD: Pretty.

Bella; No, no,no that makes him sound gay.

KD: he isnt gay?

~~~~ Next Day ~~~~

Edward; Can I come over to your house today?

Bella; Yes I cleared your schhedule again so your free to do whatever today.

Edward; But, I need to hunt-

Bella; Ah nooooo.

Edward; *sighs*

Bella; I must mail this letter to my insane mother.

Edward; I shall do it as you are incompotent at eveything.

Bella; I know :(

~~~ Outside Bella's House ~~~~

Edward; Come for a walk.

Bella; Very well.

~~~~ Woods ~~~~

Bella; Well le-

Edward; We are leaving Bella Bye.

Bella; Cant you give me time to pack?

Edward; ... Your not coming?

Bella; What?

Edward; Yeah ... So... Bye *leaves*

Bella; *continually Shouts 'Edwaaaaard' for 3 hours*

KD: Face it YOUR DUMPED

Bella; Well I've wondered around hopelessly so I shall sit here in the middle of these dangerous woods and wait for an Axe murderer, or a rapist or someone off that catagory to get me *Lies On ground for 6 hours*

Sam; Bella!

Bella; ...

KD: You should answer him.

Bella; ...

KD:*Eyebrow look*

Sam; Bella, my name Sam Uley, Charlie sent me to look for you and I have.

KD: CONGRATULATIONS

Sam;...*picks Bella up and carries her to Charlie *

Charlie; *takes her off Sam even though he clearly cannot andle her weight*

Sam; Can you handle her weigh-

Charlie; YES!

Sam; Very well.

~~~ In the house ~~~~

Charlie; Bella, I just want you to know your an idiot.

Bella; Yes, yes.

Dr. Gerandy; Bella, Are you hurt.

Bella; ...

Dr. Gerandy; ...

Bella; ... No.

Dr. Gerandy; Very well, I think she is suffering from exaustion.

Bella; * snoring*

Dr. Gerandy; Yes I'm almost certain thats what it is.

Chharlie; Ok, leave now.

Kd; Say thank you!

Charlie; ... thankyou. Now leave.

Dr. Gerandy; *Leaves*

~~~~ Later ~~~~ 

Charlie; *Screaming down the phone at Billy*

Bella; *wakes up*

Charlie; Why are you awake? sleep.

Bella; *sleeps*

Charlie; * Continues screaming*

Bella; *goes to her room*

October

November

December

January


	4. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK!

Charlie; *Starts punching table*

KD; Is this your aggresive side Charlie? Because, if iot is you look like a retard.

Charlie; Shut up you loon? And Bella, your going home.

Bella; *Flashbck of a basement* YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK!

Charlie; Eh, I think I can? Idiotic child.

Bella; Why are you sending me back to the torture?

Charlie; Well, partly because i dont actually like you, but the more important reason is, your depressed. *In a hippy tone* your killing my mood man.

KD; I have nothing to say at this point in time... BUT BEWARE!, I shall in due time, in due time.

Bella; Well, sorryy Dad, I think you would be the same if the love of your life left you-

KD; For some guy he met at Weight Watchers.

Bella; A- What? S-some guy h-he met at Weight Watchers! *Eye twitch*

KD; Well yes, your too fat to get into Weight Watchers, and he is gay after all.

Bella; *cries*

Charlie; Well, all in all, I'll just send you to a shrink instead. Have a nice time with the other loons.

Bella; NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ...No.

Charlie; You know what FINE! Just be normal and go out with your non-existant friends wich I assume you have.

Bella; Okay, I'll call Jessic- Janice- I don't even remember her name anymore.

Charlie; *Edging towards the phone to call the shrink*

Bella; *Bella glare*

Charlie; *Leaves*

KD; Lovely. Yes that is my sarcastic input.

~~~~ SCHOOL ~~~~

Mike; Bella?

KD; MY GAY BESTFRIEND!

Mike; Yes its me, *Strikes a pose for the non-existing cameras*

Bella; What do you want?

Mike; World Domination?

Bella; Except that?

Mike; A Blue Peter badge?

Bella; EXCEPT THAT!

Mike; Justin Biebers banana?

KD; TOO MUCH INFO!

Bella; Except that...

Mike; Oh, I want to know if your working tomorrow?

Bella; Tomorrows Saturday... Yes?

KD; Well, judging by the present day being Friday...

Mike: Yes ... *leaves*

KD; Aren't you ment to wait for an answer?

~~~~ Calculus ~~~~

Bella; Jan-

KD; Jess!

Bella; Jess?

Jessica; Oh, your talking to me, because for the past month you've been talking to Janice.

Bella; Oh, Fuck Nuts. Wanna see a movie like the pretend best friend you are.

Jessica; Yes, I'll pick you up after school, deal with it.

Bella; *Thankful for the Social interaction*

KD; Why me?

Jessica; What brought talking to Jessica instead of Janice along?

Bela; The usual... My Dad wanting to send me to a shrink.

Jessicca; *Runs away*

~~~~ In Jessicas Car ~~~~

Bella; I LOVE THIS SONG!

Eminem; _# Go to sleep Bitch, Die motherfucker...# _

Jessica; *Drives faster*

Bella; Do you go out with any one?

Jessica; I go out with Conner sometimes and I went out with Eric two weeks ago.

Bella; *CoughSLUTCough* Eric Yorkie?

Jessica; What other Eric do we know?

~~~~ Movie ~~~~

Bella; *Almost crying* Why isnt anyone getting eaten!

Jessica; *CoughFUCKINGWEIRDOCough* They will soon.

~~~ After the Movie ~~~

Bella; What a lot of shit.

Jessica; I'am assuming you want to eat, so, were do you want to eat?

Bella; I don't care, I'm too fat ... :(

KD; My input counts- I agree?

Jessica; Okaaaayyyy

Bella; Oh, I see increadibly drunk guys ... I'm going to go over -knowing its dangerous- and mistake them for someone they obviously aren't.

KD; Erm...

Edward Ghost; Don't do it!

Bella; Well, hello handsome.

Edward Ghost; Do not try and seduce me, for I AM A FIGMENT OF YOUR IMAGINATION, AND IF i was edward, this wasn't meant to happen until Eclipse when you fail - miserbly may I add- and Breaking Dawn, when you succeed thus meaning you almost die-

KD; *Shaking Head*

Edward Ghost; Damn, I have said too much... Just don't go. *leaves*

Bella; Well, since it was a 'figment of my imagination' I don't have to listen to it.

KD; I woul-

Bella; BEGONE DEMON!

KD; Fat whore.

Guy 1; Hello darlin- Oh your fat go away.

Bella Meanie.

Guy 2; You on your way to McDonalds? Yeah I gathered that much.

Bella; *Runs over to Jessica, crying*

KD+Edward Ghost; We told her.

~~~~ Back home ~~~~

Bella; Hello father. *nods*

Charlie; Disappointment and embarressment of a daughter ... YOU CAN'T GO WITHOUT GIVING ME A REPORT ON YOUR SANITY!

Bella; *Tells him all about the guys*

Charlie; Well I don't care about your self esteem.

Bella; Night Dad.

Charlie; ROT IN HELL * shakes fist*

KD; How he got into the Police force I shall never know.


	5. Are You Questioning My Authority?

Mike; Bella why don't you take off- yes, I'm saying this in a way that will probably make you feel unwanted and go into another stage of depression.

Bella; If you want me to go ...

KD; Just let her stay. This is way more exciting than her home life.

Bella;My home life is more exciting anyway, for example; If I stay here, then I get to listen to Hikers stories of, adventurous peril! wheras, if I go home; I get to spend the day with my drunken father ... who is the life and soul of a party... So, I've heard. *Leaves*

KD; Did you forget to mention you scream in your sleep like a loon on loon tablets in the frozen pizza isle of ASDA singing into an elderly womans walking stick.

Bella; No, no I think I got that part in. *Blocking a main road* What is that I see? A SIGN! Why never have I ever been so curious of a sign in my whole career of being me! *Goes up to sign leaving her truck in the middle of a main road* I can't understand these letters. I think it's Chinese?

KD; That's because your upside down!

Bella; *Trying to turn the sign around* It... Won't ... Budge!

KD; That's because YOUR upside down!

Bella; I see how it is. *Stands on feet instead of hands* ... OH OH OH It say's FOR SALE AS IS!

KD; Eventually!

Bella; *Smashes down the Markses door*

Freshman; Bella Swan!

Bella; It is I. How much for the bikes?

Freshman; I would hardley call them bikes, their Barbie sooters-

Bella; HOW MUCH?

Freshman; Just take them. Are you sure you want the-

Bella; ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY AUTHORITY!

Freshamn; I ... erm ... no?

Bella; Farewell good sir! I shall take these so-called scooters and be off!

Freshman; Their gonjna need a bit of fixing... And Bob The Builder charges more than their worth-

Bella; I have a mechanic in mind. *Leaves*

KD; Meanie

Bella; *Calling Charlie* I know- Hi Dad.

Charlie; What do you want? I'm at a bar- word. *Shifty eyes through phone*

Bella; Well...

Charlie; HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING DRUGS?

Bella; N-no n-not latley sir.

Charlie; Oh, well what do you want? Your interupting my social life, which you don't have.

Bella; Directions to the Blacks house?

Charlie; ...

Bella; ...

Charlie; ... No. *Hangs up*

Bella; *After getting lost 9 times, ending up in a ditch, resulting in 3 weeks of hospitilization and a month grounding in advance she arrives.*

KD; Wow they live in a mansion?

Bella; Duhh, did you think they lived in a teeny tiny house? Pfft.

Jacob; *Is running over with a shotgun* Oh, it's only Bella.

Bella; Fix these scooters.

Jacob; ...

Bella; ...

Jacob; ... Okay.

Bella; You realise I just asked you to assist me in building two scooters, which I could easily dreak my ankle on?

Jacob; Yes...

Bella; So be it!

Jacob; When will I star-

Bella; Now.

Jacob; But I have plan-

Bella; NOW!

Jacib; OKAY

Bella; *see's the plastic car Jacob is obviously building* Are you building that?

Jacob; No? The elves are? OF COURSE I'M BUILDING IT!

Bella; I ... See? How much does your services require?

Jacob; $100,127,000,000,00-

Bella; $1 it is! Your such a nice guy!

Jacob; My Dad say's I'm a gift from the gods?

Bella; My Dad say's I'm the Devils Child?

*Silence*


	6. BEARS!

Jacob; I haven't bothered to plac- I mean hide the scooters any further than the garage.

Bella; Because, your too lazy. I mean, look at the flab.

KD; Bella, shup, he has more muscles than the Increadible Hulk after a personal trainer.

Jacob; You calling me fat byatch?

Bella; So what if I am Mr. Blobby?

Jacob; No reason. I was just wondering how many McDonalds' you've had today.

Bella; Thre- Waaaaait... Are you calling me fat?

KD; How did this even start?

Bella; You know fine well it's because Charlie is a drunk who fails at cooki-

Jacob; Like you fail at everything else.

Bella; Yeah.

Jacob; Likley story, likley story.

*Later, when Bella has stopped pathetically crying*

Bella; Do you even have friends?

Jacob; Yes, which is more that can be said for you.

Bella; NOOO... I've started feeling... Alive again.

Jacob; *WTF Look* You. Fucking Weirdo.

Bella; *Self concious look* What's their names.

Jacob; The main hommies are Quil And Embry.

Bella; Such unusual names. I have never before heard such names. Well, the only thing to do when my spazoid brain doesn't comprehend something is to Yahoo! it.

KD; WHAT!

Jacob; BLASTPHEMY!

Bella; wh-what?

Jacob; You use Yahoo! isnstead of GOOGLE. The almighty GOOGLE.

Bella; Erm... Sorry.

Jacob; Disgusted. Disgusted.

Bella; *Snigger snigger*

Jacob; What now?

Bella; Their names.

Jacob; They will chop you up with an axe if you start on their names. We're in the mafia. We get away with that stuff.

Embry; JAAACOB!

Ouil;JACOB!

Jacob; Speak of the Devil. And the Devil shall appear.

Bella; The Devil? I thought we were talking about Quil and Embry?

Jacob; We are I-

Bella; But you said Devil?

Jacob; meant the- never mind.

Embry; Hello I'm E-

Bella; MIDDLE-SHED-FRED!

Embry; No. I was gonna say Embry.

Bella; That was my second guess.

Quil; *Rips shirt off* I'm Quil.

Embry; Are you playing with your Lego again Jake?

Jacob; No, Barbie scooters.

Embry+Quil; WE WANNA HELP!

Jacob; *Jumping up and down* OKay! Bella, We're going to ignore you now, okay?

KD; Confidence boost?

Bella; Oh, very well.

*9 hours later*

Jacob; Are we boring you yet?

KD; YES!

Bella; Nope.

Jacob; Damn it all.

Bella; But!

Jacob; BUT?

Bella; I must go-

Jacob; YES!

Bella; Cook for Charlie.

Jacob; It's just an excuse for a McDonalds guys.

Embry; It was to be expected.

Quil; Later dawg.

KD; Save it for later on in the story.

Bella; Oh, I'm returning to-

KD; Ruin more peoples lives.

Bella; -morrow.

~~~~ Later, back home. ~~~~

Bella; Hi, father.

Charlie; Yeah, yeah, just gimmie food! Have you ruined Jacobs life yet?

Bella; No, not yet. But theirs time.

Charlie; Whatever. So what did you do? Oh, look at me pretending to be a caring parent and all!

Bella; Re- Built Barbie scooters in Jacobs garage.

Charlie; Oh, yeah I sure as fuck don't beleive that.

Bella; Fine.

* Next day*

Charlie; What are you doing today? ... Oh look at me pretending to be that caring parent again.

Bella; Building scooters again.

Charlie; Stop lying.

Bella; I could stay-

Charlie; NO NO GET OUT MY SIGHT!

* Jacobs house*

Bella; HI!

Jacob; Okay, we have to go to the dump an-

Bella; Why the dump?

Jacob; One of the wheels are missing from a scooter.

Bella; But don't you live in a mansion?

Jacob; Yeees, but they don't sell Barbie scooter wheels ANYWHERE. I even GOOGLEed it.

Bella; Oh.

Jacob; This may be dangerous. There will be rats.

Bella; Dangers my middle name!

KD; I thought it was Humphrey.

Bella; No, look *Bella's Birth certificate materializies out of thin air* See, it say's; Bella Danger To All Human Company Humphery Swan.

KD; Lovely.

*After two hours of Jacob making Bella scavenge for wheels which she surprisingly finds*

Jacob; *In the truck* Did there used to be a stereo? *Points at big, black, gaping hole of nothingness*

Bella; *Flashback of Bella ripping the stereo out with a chainsaw. GRR.* ... Yip.

Jacob; Whoever done it is seriously messed up.

Bella; It was me!

Jacob; I guessed that much.

*2 hours of complete silence later*

Jacob; I'm doing all the talking. What about your ... Friends.

Bella; I hate them all.

Jacob; Oh... Quil likes you.

Bella; He's a bit young.

Jacob; Only by a year and a few months.

Bella; *Thinking* ZOMG he isnt talking about Quil anymore.

KD; He is.

Bella; But I have much more maturity, so, therefore, somehow, we are counting in dog years.

Jacob; But your small? that takes points off?

Bella; It's not my fault your a freak?

Jacob; Wow, I thought we were talking about Quil?

KD; Told ya.

Bella; Never mind.

~~~~ Garage ~~~~

Bella;Let me help you with that, as I obviously won't break anything.

Jacob; NO ITS FINE DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!

Bella;Okay.

Charlie; DAUGHTER!

Bella; Shi-

KD; *Eyebrow look*

Bella; FATHER.

Charlie; Billy has invited us for dinner. And I shall take note my daughter has just stumbled out the woods. Holding hands. With a boy. Laughing. But I don't care because I am unfit and a drunk of a parent.

Bella; Watever,

Billy; Spaghetti, handed down for generation-

Jacob; Ragu was invented in this centuary.

Billy; Gift from the gods isn't he?

Charlie;You just got BURNED! And your saying he's a gift from the gods?

Billy; Your point?

~~~ The truck ~~~

Charlie; Will you be out of my sight tomorrow?

Bella; Yes, we are building the scooters again

Charlie; Stop saying that! If Jake was building Barbie scooters he would be gay, and a not-so-good mechanic.

Bella; THATS ME!

Charlie; Your gay?

Bella; No,the other bit.

Charlie;I can only remember the gay part.

Bella; Never mind

Charlie; Gay as I thought... That Edward dude looked as gay as anyone could get.

*Calculus*

Bella; Hey bitch?

Jessica; ...

Bella; How was the rest of your weekend?

Jessica; Awful *Cries*

Bella; Thats nice.

~~~~ Lunch ~~~

Jessica; What did the rest of you freaks of nature do last night?

Angela; Nohing that'll intrest you?

Bella; BEARS! *runs away*

Mike; Thats the most she's said in months


End file.
